Every woman, by her calling, can celebrate Mother’s Day

Missionary Benedictine Sister Rita Marie Tofflemire has children across the state of Nebraska and even in Africa, although she is not a biological mother. How can this be?

Spiritual motherhood.

“Every woman, whether married or unmarried, is called upon to be a biological, psychological or spiritual mother,” said Dr. Alice von Hildebrand, an internationally known author and philosopher. “Woman by her very nature is maternal.”

Maternity – biological or spiritual – always involves giving, nurturing and suffering with others, Von Hildebrand said in an EWTN article.

Sister Rita Marie concurred as she reflected on 43 years of consecrated life as a teacher, campus minister and hospital administrator in northeast Nebraska and Tanzania, East Africa.

“In a way, you have to grieve that you didn’t have your own children,” she said, “but at the same time, I know and feel that God has placed so many people in my life. That’s also very fulfilling.”

Missionary Benedictine Sister Rita Marie Tofflemire COURTESY PHOTO

While most people call her “sister,” Sister Rita Marie said she feels more like a grandmother.

A few years ago, her best friend’s son invited her to serve as godmother for his daughter. Sister Rita Marie asked him, “Do you really want such an old lady to be godmother to your child?”

His response surprised her.

“You have made such an impact on my mom, and I’ve seen how she is growing in her faith, that I want that for my daughter,” he told her.

Katie Winkler, director of campus ministry at St. John Paul II Newman Center in Omaha, said spiritual mothers play a similar role to biological mothers but in the spiritual realm.

Spiritual mothers “look out for those who are hurting, receive others as a gift and welcome others into their hearts, their homes and their lives,” she said.

Katie Winkler COURTESY PHOTO

Winkler expressed gratitude to the Apostolic Oblates, a secular institute of consecrated women in Elkhorn, for mothering her spiritually and showing her how to do the same for others.

“Those women celebrate God’s work in my life and encourage me in my relationship with the Lord,” she said. “Their witness of gentleness and faithfulness and helping me learn to pray with my heart have an impact beyond just myself. Their presence influences the way I interact with and lead others.”

For Christine French, an Apostolic Oblate and director of campus ministry at V.J. and Angela Skutt Catholic High School in Omaha, spiritual motherhood includes carrying the needs of others in her heart. She related to the way a mother’s heart aches when her children struggle. 

“There are certain people who I definitely feel the weight of their suffering,” she said. “I’m drawn to intercede for them in a particular way.”

Christine French COURTESY PHOTO

French also looks to the Blessed Virgin Mary as her own spiritual mother. Once, while on retreat, her spiritual director suggested that she imagine herself as a “little, fussy infant” in the arms of Mary.

French said she resisted at first, feeling far from the Lord in prayer. Before falling asleep that night, however, she resigned to give it a try. She woke up the next morning feeling peaceful.

“I think Mary was holding me,” French said. “I just needed to cry it out and go to sleep.”

Theresa Gunia, a member of St. Thomas More Parish in Omaha, experienced spiritual motherhood in a different way as a wife and mother of two grown children. 

Gunia’s own mother was absent for much of her childhood, but she recalled other women stepping into that role. One in particular was a devout Christian and mother of six who lived down the street from Gunia’s childhood home.

“You could show up any time on her doorstep,” Gunia said. “She would sit in her chair and listen, give advice and just be that wise woman in your life that we all need.

“She was a real spiritual mother for everybody in the neighborhood,” Gunia added.

When Gunia became Catholic in 1999, a group of women at St. Thomas More took her under their wing. They introduced her to Jesus and taught her about prayer, the sacraments and other elements of the Catholic faith.

“They loved me very well through those nine months together,” Gunia said. “They were spiritual parents to me (along with their husbands), and I’ve always called them that.”

Twenty years later, her own mother came back into her life, and Gunia sensed that the Lord desired reconciliation.

Conversation between the two was strained at first, Gunia said. However, her mom started attending a local Christian church, and Gunia experienced significant healing from her troubled childhood through the Mentorship Program of the Archdiocese of Omaha.

As her mother began asking questions about the Catholic faith, Gunia said, the mother-daughter pair began to establish trust and bond for the first time.

Gunia’s mother entered the Catholic Church in 2020, at the age of 78. She took Teresa as her Confirmation name in tribute to her daughter.

“When I stood up as her Confirmation sponsor, we stood there not as mother and daughter, but two daughters of Christ for the first time,” Gunia said. “And then the mother-daughter relationship came out of that.”

Theresa Gunia of St. Thomas More Parish in Omaha, (left) served as sponsor for her 78-year-old mother’s reception into the Catholic Church in 2020. COURTESY PHOTO

Looking back, Gunia recognized that she served – and continues to serve – as a spiritual mother for her biological mother.

“It was almost like a role reversal,” she said.

Gunia said her mom continues to grow in her Catholic faith and tries “really hard to evangelize.”

“Grandmas can get away with a lot of things that we cannot,” she said, with a smile. “I kind of coach her in that, but bold and direct still seems to be her approach.”

Most of all, Gunia noticed her mother transform into a joyful woman when she became Catholic. Gunia credited the Blessed Mother for this gift.

“I know the Virgin Mary had a role,” she said. “She plopped us back to where we should have been (in our mother-daughter relationship). I truly feel in my heart of hearts that our relationship has been healed.”

Nothing makes mothers happier than watching their children love each other.

The Blessed Mother is no exception.

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